Sock Free Hideaway

BEATS OF LOVE 

154. Ma

SO LUCKY, I had two selfless mothers so quick to love and so slow to judge. Brillant paradigms of how to live life fully. Religious yet liberal-minded, they made fairer and better choices than the rest of us and had a value system that earned respect. 

Despite their family commitments, they were both charitable. Not questioning why someone needs help, but questioning how they can help. My mother was the lynchpin of my UK family. Without her, we have channeled a more worrying nature, eroding trust and untying the bonds between us. 

The missus' mother 'Ma' was the lynchpin of my  Nigerian family and its wider community. She came to our wedding in November, imparting her wisdom to us in a short window of time whist freezing her socks off. I saved her from a hard fall when she lost her footing on the elevator in Next, but she saved our marriage by instilling the same strength of the spirit as my mother.

With her sad passing, I instantly feel privileged to have had Ma in my life. I'm mindful of the massive vacuum she leaves behind and the worrying nature of the remaining family. Like my mother, she lent an ear to every family member, and either resolved problems or supported us through difficulties. Despite their fleeting help to family members recovering from alcoholism or gunshot wounds, they would both rather have been celebrating the birth of a child. They both did it with a smile and elegance, despite knowing the heartache of widowhood. It's a strength and resilience that I don't see in myself or any other family members.

I will forever regret not flying us all out to Lagos to reunite when Ma was in the health to travel. It's pretty telling that every Sunday she asks after mother's surviving partner. Only on Sunday we were describing the care home he has just moved into. I wish I wasn't keener on playing records than staying on the phone longer. Like me, the missus has lost her mother and best friend and I suspect, like me, all her siblings have too. The pain makes her vulnerable and I can see the child in her, which hurts me. 

I just pray Ma has found perfect peace and the rest of us can honour her memory by giving more and receiving less.