Sock Free Hideaway

BEATS OF LOVE 

154. Ma

SO LUCKY, I had two selfless mothers so quick to love and so slow to judge. Brilliant models of how to live life fully. Religious yet liberal-minded, they made fairer and better choices than the rest of us and had a value system that earned great respect. 

Despite their family commitments, they were both very charitable. Not questioning why someone needs help, but questioning how they can help. My mother was the lynchpin of my UK family. Without her, we grew more anxious, eroding trust, and untying the bonds between us. 

The Missus' mother 'Ma' was the lynchpin of my Nigerian family and its wider community. She came to our wedding in November 2013, imparting her wisdom to us in a short window of time while braving the cold. I saved her from a hard fall when she lost her footing on the elevator in Next, but she saved our marriage by infusing it with her enduring spirit.

With her sad passing, I instantly feel privileged to have had Ma in my life. I feel the profound void she leaves, and I worry for the rest of the family. Like my mother, she lent an ear, and either resolved problems or supported us through difficulties. Despite their boundless patience supporting family recovering from alcoholism or gunshot wounds, they would both rather have been celebrating the birth of a child. They both did it with easy smiles and elegance, despite knowing the deep heartache of widowhood. It's a strength and resilience that I don't see easily in the rest of us.

I will always ache with regret that I didn't fly us out to Lagos for a reunion while Ma was still healthy enough to travel. Instead of the vivid memories we could have made, I am left with a stack of unshelved records that just sit here in silence. It's pretty telling that every Sunday she asks after mother's surviving partner. Only on Sunday we were describing the care home he has just moved into. I wish I wasn't keener on playing my shelved records than staying on the phone longer. Her smiling face brimming with love gave the Missus so much strength and me the comfort of knowing that. Like me, she now walks the world without her mother and closest friend. It pains me to watch her grief collapse her adulthood into childhood vulnerability.

I pray my selfless, wise Ma is at perfect peace. And we honour her by giving, loving without judgment, and living out her true legacy.