BEATS OF LOVE 

121. Nancy’s Minuet by The Everly Brothers

JUST FINDING out about my autism and OCD has left me stunned. I mourn the childhood I could have had if I had known sooner.

One where my father didn't die at forty-six. One where I wasn't driven to the brink just to measure up, only to be thrown away because algebra made little sense to me. But I can't spiral for long. The missus needs me in the present.

I made us sit through dull evenings for the promise of a lavish cake tomorrow, brushing off her frustration just as my mother used to do when my father’s imaginary foreign holidays never came true. Then, at the tail-end of my Master’s dissertation on US detention centres, reality violently expanded. A call from my wife shattered the quiet: she had gone for a routine Home Office check-in and was being detained. Even with our later change in fortune, that day’s dark shadow never lifted, freezing my ability to move forward or balance life's demands.

Thankfully, the missus is doing better and better. I used to think it was just stress, and I gave myself a deadline to get my life back on track in three years. I now know that is not realistic. Autism and OCD will keep affecting things unless I get counselling right away. It is very scary, especially because I am still waiting for my official paperwork and do not know how long it will take. The diagnosis itself took forever.

Until now, I wrote Beats Of Love from the perspective of my autism, without realising it. This is my first post written outside of that headspace. This dramatic song was the last track I played while still in that unware state. Cheers to Bob Stanley, whose brilliant book Yeah Yeah Yeah: The Story of Modern Pop opened my ears to it.

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BEATS OF LOVE 

120. Solaris by Pablo Color & Berlin Lama 

SWISS LO-FI genius Pablo Color is the unsung hero of contemporary Balearic music. The masterpiece that is La Calle Roja first sucked me in to his subtle yet hypnotic musical tapestry. His sonic landscapes have captivated me ever since. 

There's always some hook-line or stylistic variation that makes his musical offerings truly essential, and this latest effort with the gifted and musically versatile Berlin Lama is no exception. The glorious weather and my sunny uplift in mood (the 3am starts are finally ending) have meant it hasn't been off the turntable.

Perhaps contributing to Lexx's current long player has given him the confidence to stray away from ambience from time to time, embracing a bit more groove. Perhaps his Chilean descent and expanded use of the guitar, an instrument the composer only picked up in his twenties to express his melancholy, are in part responsible for this broader spectrum. Or, perhaps Lama fresh from receiving some critical acclaim for his own long player is also in part responsible for adding some percussive depth. Either way, it sounds as fresh as my green grass now looks after my first full day in the garden.

Yes, the crisp sound of summer has already arrived, dropping into the day like a warm, nostalgic bassline. The wind rustles the leaves in perfect rhythm, and it feels good. No, not good, great. It is that rare, aching kind of happiness that makes you want to freeze time.

https://pablocolor.bandcamp.com/album/solaris

 

BEATS OF LOVE 

119. Lipstick (Shout !) (Instrumental)  by J.M. Black

SOMETIMES, WE just need to stop talking and let the music speak. I still remember the horror of coming home from work during my online forum obsession, turning on my computer, and confronting both my offensive sexist humour and the harsh, well-deserved criticism it provoked.

I quickly typed an apology in acute embarrassment, but I grew mindful of my digital footprint and, more importantly, what I thought thereafter. Sadly, evolving into a less offensive individual and accepting personal responsibility is an option many who fall foul of the offensive gaffe decide not to choose. 

Instead, they choose to further blame the object of their embarrassment, using lazy online support systems to justify their willful ignorance whilst stigmatising and dehumanising people. And clean, forgetting all about the music that bonds us all together. However, others, like myself, often address imaginary audiences when they offend, and feel mortified by the harm inflicted their ignorance causes others who they neglected to imagine. Sadly, there is also a portion that affiliates with marginalised groups who would never accept an apology from anybody. Ever. Instead, they look to maximise the embarrassment, using lazy online support systems to justify their unforgiving stance whilst stigmatising and dehumanising people.

Yes, sometimes, we all need to play more brilliant instrumentals like this absolute beauty to harmonise our souls.