BEATS OF LOVE 

121. Nancy’s Minuet by The Everly Brothers

I'M POSSIBLY the only person shocked by my level one autism diagnosis. Shocked that it made me deeply sentimental by imagining a full life with this being made known since childhood. 

A life when my father doesn't die at 46 and a life where I'm not pushed so fucking hard to achieve things and cast-off by him for not understanding algebraic equations. Fortunately, after caving into these strong emotions, I had to consider the missus, in the here and now.

I'd promised a cake tomorrow for tea today and shut myself off from her frustration. Reminiscent of my mother's frustration when my father promised a foreign holiday that had never come. Everything in life intensified, bizarrely, when reading for some inspiration at the tail-end of my Master's dissertation about detention centres in the US, I got a call from the missus. She'd just routinely signed in with the Home Office and was being detained. The darkest fear that hung over me that day hasn't stopped lingering since, despite our change in fortune, and so I haven't been able to multi-task my life accordingly. 

Luckily, the missus has gone from strength to strength. I put everything down to anxiety and set an end date when I can get my life back on some kind of course. Still three years away. I know now that this is nonsense. Autism will prevent this unless I take some counselling right now to remedy matters. It's very frightening as I'm still waiting for the buff to arrive and have no clue how slow-moving things will be. The diagnosis itself took an age. 

Beats Of Love was up to this post written unwittingly from a place of the mildest form of autism. This is the first post that isn't. This dramatic song was the last song I played, unwittingly, in a place of the mildest form of autism. Cheers Bob Stanley.

BEATS OF LOVE 

120. Solaris by Pablo Color & Berlin Lama 

SWISS LO-FI genius Pablo Color is the unsung hero of contemporary Balearic music. The masterpiece that is La Calle Roja first sucked me in to his subtle yet hypnotic musical tapestry and I've been sold on his sounds ever since. 

There's always some hook-line or stylistic variation that makes his musical offerings truly essential and this latest effort with the gifted and musically versatile Berlin Lama is no exception. The glorious weather and my sunny uplift in mood (the 3am starts are finally ending) have meant it hasn't been off the turntable.

Perhaps contributing to Lexx's current long player has given him the confidence to stray away from ambience from time to time, embracing a bit more groove. Perhaps his Chilean descent and expanded use of the guitar, an instrument the composer only picked up in his twenties to express his melancholy, are in part responsible for this broader spectrum. Or, perhaps Lama fresh from receiving some critical acclaim for his own long player is also in part responsible for adding some percussive depth. Either way, it sounds as fresh as my green grass now looks after my first full day in the garden.

Yes, the crisp sound of summer has already arrived, and it feels good. No, not good, great is the word I'm looking for.

https://pablocolor.bandcamp.com/album/solaris

 

BEATS OF LOVE 

119. Lipstick (Shout !) (Instrumental)  by J.M. Black

I RECALL the horror when I arrived home from work amid my forum frenzy and switched on the computer to read back not only my highly offensive sexist toilet humour but some much deserved frank criticism of it.

I quickly typed an apology in acute embarrassment, but I became much more self aware of what I posted online and, more importantly, what I thought thereafter. Sadly, evolving into a less offensive individual and accepting personal responsibility is an option many who fall foul of the offensive gaffe decide not to choose. 

Instead, they choose to further blame the object of their embarrassment, using lazy online support systems to justify their willful ignorance whilst stigmatizing and dehumanizing people. However, others often address imaginary audiences when they offend, and feel mortified by the hurt their ignorance causes others who they neglected to imagine. Sadly, there is also a portion that affiliates with marginalized groups who would never accept an apology from anybody. Ever. Instead, they look to maximise the embarrassment, using lazy online support systems to justify their unforgiving stance whilst stigmatizing and dehumanizing people.

Yes, sometimes, we all need to play more brilliant instrumentals like this absolute beauty.